An aged man is but a paltry thing, a tattered coat upon a stick
unless soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing for every tatter in its mortal dress
-Yeats

He is so right. as always.
That's how I think now.. when everything feels like it's changing.. changing from something that was good.
For the first time in a long time I had routine and a steady home. Then came that time I have been waiting for so long with my back injury, closure. Even though I still have pain I finally got.."there's nothing more we can do" and in some way that's what I've been waiting for. To accept my life as it is, and move on. Then I realised.. I can finally study! And even though I'm only 25 and young still.. I want to study what love and learn things. Been wanting that for five years. I want to get an education and look for work in something that I really love and want to work with. Books.
So to move to the city I want to study literature is the only thing I want to do.. but that doesn't change the fact that I will miss the hell out of my friends.. my mom.. my dog. But London.. a 2 hour plane ride. So it's ok.
But.. if I don't get in to the schools I have applied for I have to look for something else and it's gonna be similar to what I'm planning now so it is what I want to do and I can see my future over there. But right now I wanna stop time so I can enjoy my friends and apartment as long as possible. But at the same time I can't wait to leave.
It's going to be the time of my life.

If the sun and moon should ever doubt, they'd immediately go out.

Robert, never liked that name. But recently I discovered 3 of my favorite actors are named Robert

Robert Mitchum. 1917-1997
By far.. BY FAR my favorite actor of ALL TIME. ever since I first saw him in a movie he has bewitched me. I have read his biography and he was a classic bad boy :) of course..
he got arrested, had numerous affairs, smoked pot, drank and got into fist fights.
But everything he does on screen is Pure Magic. And everyone who has seen him in something and knows film, knows this. My favorite movies with him are, Night of the Hunter, Cape Fear and Out of the past. One of the few actors that could make a really bad movie worth seeing. According to his biography he never rehersed before shooting, he always drank before but the second the cameras started rolling he always got everything PERFECT. almost never needed a second take, That is how great he was. For me he is almost like a genius, I believe everything he acted, And he takes it even further.. he had such charisma and he really spellbound me when I watch his movies, and that is really rare.

Robert Shaw. 1927-1978
As the man over him, he is by far one of the coolest actors ever lived. And also like Mitchum he made me believe everything he acted in. Everyone remembers his as Quint in Jaws, and so do I. BUT for me he is just as much Doyle Lonnegan in The Sting, which happens to be one of my favorite movies as well.
His eyes is for me his biggest assets, he can portray so much through them and really keep you locked on him. ( me anyway ) When I find an actor I really love like him and Mitchum I always want to read their biographies. But I have looked everywhere and have not found anything about my awesome Shaw, So one of my dreams.. if I ever get that good at writing, is to write a big updated biography about him. He deserves it so much more than a lot of people who has their own books out there. He died when he was only 51. way too young.. he had without a doubt So much more brilliance on film to give.


Robert Walker. 1918-1951
This man I discovered a few years ago in a Hitchcock movie called Strangers on a train. He played the villain and a psychopath and he played it so good that I don't think that anyone who has ever seen it will ever forget him. I wont anyway.. He was like Mitchum a drinker but he wasn't a bad boy.. he was more troubled and drank for that reason. His wife, another actress left him for a hot shot ultra famous producer and that broke him. He was, like James Dean and Motgomery Clift, meant to do so much more amazing acting before his untimely death.. because you can tell, just like the fellows over him here, that he was so much more than just an actor. He was an artist in it's full sense..he could just as the other two Roberts spellbound just about anyone in his acting. He was 32 years old when he, drunk took some medicine to calm himself down from an agitated state, and then suffered from a allergic reaction and died. Too young, too soon.

A Day May Sink or Save a Realm

Otto Preminger. A genius film maker, and I don't think any of my friends know who this is.

So my top 3 of favorite Preminger films.

Angel Face, 1952

Robert Mitchum.. My no 1 fav actor of all time. Ever since I saw my first Mitchum movie

Out of the Past I have adored everything with him. there's No one that can capture every part so perfect as him, no one who can make it seems so effortless and no one that can keep me that spellbound. And he is no different in this movie.. A poor man gets drawn in to a rich family by the spoiled daughter that does everything to get what she wants. And when he starts to realise this and tries to get out, things happen.

Oh my what an ENDING.. I was blown away. let me tell you! Noir in its best sense.

Laura, 1944

I saw this movie a long time ago and still I remember what a feeling I got afterwards. One of these movies you just can't get out of your head after you've seen it. Have Gene Tiernys biography and apparently she was very troubled and sometimes that unfortunately makes some acting more real or the suffering or pain feels more real. That she is really good at. The best actors were often troubled or had pain in the private life.

Anatomy of a murder, 1959

James maddafacka Stewart, yes. what a hero. He is one of the most famous actors of all time but still None of my friends or 2 I know for sure knows who he is and seen a movie he's starred in. He is one of the best for a reason. In this movie he plays a small town lawyer who gets to defend a man who presumably has raped his wife and killed her lover. But after no sign of rape and questionable statements from the wife Stewart tries to find a witness that can save the man. A great movie, you can really sense the matuarity in the movie and the fact that it's made in the late fifties. For me that's the biggest difference between movies in the 40's and early 50's to movies in the middle of the 50's to early 60's. The mood, the music, the filming and the enviroment. and even the acting. more mature, more serious and darker.. love it.

The sea has nothing to give but a well-excavated grave

T minus 9 days. Then off to the promise land!
New developments on the guests to the New York Comic Con, Bruce Campbell the biggest of course.
But Tricia Helfer who plays No 6 on Battlestar galactica will be there and that's gonna be...awesome. But even more so that Starbuck will be there! gah times 3!
Battlestar Galactica is bY far one of the best series of all time. period.

Have a month and a half left in this apartment.. and after that I'll be homeless. I'm gonna miss having a room with all my stuff, love looking at them and just being by myself and just be.. that's gonna change. f.

at least I have the written words that are always such a great comfort to me.
shit.. that sounded like I was referring to the bible.. but I can assure you I was not.

During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act

I have decided.. in order to feel better and NOT to think about all the time I'm just going to decide for myself how it's going to be. And even though I wish for something else I can't wait for something I'm not sure I'll ever get.. So I'm taking the hard road of..letting go. feels right in a way.. heartbreaking, but still in a strange way the only way.

Reading Orwells MASTERPIECE 1984 again and it is..(if possible) even more brilliant the second time.

going to bed, going to read some poetry from Lord Byron. yes I know I am probably the only one who does that in my age, and yes I know people thinks that is really dorky.
But I think that if you don't like, or understand or want to read the magic Byron, Yeats, More, Kipling, Blake and all my other favorites write.. well then.. well then I'm confused.
Sometimes I can feel so alone in what I like.

thirtyfour days left

thirtyfour days left to my favorite traveling destination. New York New York.
The only reason I chose 5th to 12th october is because of the New York Comic Con, which happens to be the biggest coolest thing I'v ever been to.
More and more fantastic guests are revealed, latest Bruce motherfucking Campbell! Feels like after that I can die happy.
But as comic book guest BIG stars are coming, Jim Lee, Geoff Johns, The Kubert Family, Adam Hughes, Mcniven, Brian M Bendis, Jeph loeb, George Perez and Ben Templesmith and lots more.. my oh my.
AND and.. as if that's not enough.. Katee Sackhoff from my no 2 favorite scifi series Battlestar Galactica! Can't wait..

Other than that I'm going with my two dear friends Zelda and Ricke and it's gonna be amazing.
This will be my fifth time to New York and I have a list on things we have to do cause for some reason I haven't already.
.Go to Boston (have to see the birthplace of Edgar Allan Poe)
.take a boatride around manhattan
.go to Liberty/Ellis Island


BTW. I was almost fucking jumped by 3 guys just now, man o man. never been that close. I turned around in the nick of time. Can't even walk my dog at night anymore